On My Own

This morning started off the same as every morning of my life did; thinking it was Friday but disappointed when I remembered it's only Wednesday. As I ate breakfast, I got an email informing me that I had been chosen to voice Eleanor for my school's fandub of The Chipmunk Adventure! I was literally so excited, I forgot how tired I was! That is, until my socks kept falling down on my way to the bus stop.

During our gym period, all we did was sit and talk since it was half a day and while talking with my friends, I decided to flip my bangs to the other side just for the fun of it and my friends said it actually looked pretty. Therefore, I just left it there for the next two periods. 

At the end of social studies, I usually stop at my locker before heading to math since my locker is literally right next to the social studies door. Anyway, so my friend and her girlfriend usually stop by to say hi, but today when they stopped by, her girlfriend began to scruff up my hair which as so perfectly fixed. She just said "Why you keep trying to impress my cousin?" Btw, her cousin is my crush (aka codename sh*t). I tried to explain to her my friend did it just for the fun of it but she just kept saying "Mmm-hmm" like I was making excuses. This got me really infuriated since apparently if I try out a new look, it suddenly means I'm trying to impress someone. After math class, I went into the bathroom and changed my hair back to the way it was.

After I walked home in the rain, I was so tired so I went upstairs in attempt to take a nap. And since I couldn't sleep during the day, I knew it wouldn't work out, but I tried anyway. But my mind kept wandering, especially to what happened earlier with my crush's cousin. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how much I talk about love and boys with my friends, and how much they think of me as love obsessed. It bothered me how they probably saw me as the girl who depends on love and needs love to survive (like a changeling but...not really). It really bothered me how my friend thought just because I was trying something different automatically meant I was trying to impress someone.

Then I made a decision that would change my life forever. I was done. Done with love and any likings of boys I've had. I'm finally 100% single and very happy about it! :) I can finally focus on what really matters in life; grades, friends, Promise and other youtube projects, musicals and so much more! Cause honestly, my friend told me that "codename sh*t" knew I liked him, yet he never brought it up. And all the love interests I've had ended up breaking my hearts, well, except one but now he's like a bajillion miles away in Sweden. Also, I didn't like the fact that people thought because I change my style or look pretty just for once, it automatically means I'm trying to impress someone I like. If that's how love in high school works, that comes at much to high a cost (#WickedReference). I don't want to drive myself crazy over a guy who I hoped had the same feelings for me. I mean, I still enjoy singing songs with Speedy Tempo and watching people go crazy and start shipping us, but that's completely different. Speedy and I are just friends and that's all we're ever going to be. Only 1 of the 5 crushes I've had liked me back, and I think we all know who that is. Speaking of Wes, I texted him and told him that I didn't want to refer to each other bf and gf, but just friends, and he was totally cool with that and if I change my mind if he comes back from Sweden, he'd be ok with that too. I just feel like I need a fresh start with everything. I have so many life goals and love keeps getting in the way. Now I can be happy and live the way I want to! :)

Virtual Hugs, Ice Gaze