Music is the Best Medicine

 

Hi ice pops! Man, being in isolation has been really boring. I used to love my alone time but it's almost been a week and I can honestly say I miss leaving the house and seeing people! But my time in isolation has given me a lot of time to think. If you haven't been keeping up, I recently got out of a toxic situation that has taken a giant toll on my mental health. I think about our arguments and things she's done everyday. I wanted to take my time in isolation to work on healing and forgetting everything she put me through. I've journaled, done yoga/meditation, watched inspiring Tiktoks, used essential oils and crystals, but I feel like I'm making no progress and I'm still as damaged as I was before. I know I need to give myself credit for trying but I feel like at this rate I'm just repressing these thoughts and trying to make them go away by pretending they never happened, or by telling myself I don't have to deal with it ever again. 

But the fact of the matter is, it happened. What I went through absolutely sucked and I never want to feel that way again. Because of her, I have major trust issues, I've lost a big part of myself and I feel as if there's something wrong with me. I know that's not entirely true though. There is something wrong with me, but not what she's told me is wrong with me. I'm not childish or dramatic for expressing my feelings, I'm not toxic for being upset at something I have every right to be upset about, I'm not making things up in my head as an excuse for her shitty behavior. The only thing that's "wrong" with me, is my mind is damaged. And that's not my fault. She broke my mind, and it sucks that I have to fix it, but I do. 

So, I'm going to do something I haven't done in a very long time. I'm going to write a song. Maybe more than one. I'm going to write and put all my feelings and emotions into them. Something I used to do back in middle school and high school all the time whenever I needed to express my feelings. I don't know why I ever stopped, guess I got too busy once college started? 

I'm not going to rush with these songs, I want them to happen naturally. So if you're reading this, please don't bombard my video's comments section with "where's the song?", "you said you were writing a song!", "post it now!". Because that will only make me more stressed and take away from the whole point of the song(s).

Basically, throughout each day, I find myself thinking about arguments or situations that happened in the past. So whenever I find that happening, rather than having an argument out loud, I'm going to write. And put my feelings to music.